How does one begin to write again after a year in the dark? I suppose one word, one paragraph, one inkling of an idea at a time.
The short reason for my absence has been that I’m busy. My music career has picked up, my dating life has been hyperactive, and my philosophical course load has been overwhelming. However, I miss the time I used to take to explore the what I have learned. I miss the inane Photoshop madness and the non-sequitur tangents. I miss taking a germ of an idea and processing it until it makes a tiny bit more sense.
So let’s start out small. I’ve learned a lot over the past year, and my life has changed dramatically. Here’s a tiny glimpse of my year dark.
- Tuba player and polka band manager are indeed viable career paths
Attention people considering a career in the arts: you may work crazy amounts of hours and push your body and your mind to the limit, but success is conceivable and achievable. Tax time for 2014 has come and gone, and the results are in: I am financially viable in my career as a professional musician. Between gigging, booking, teaching, and random financial opportunities, I have not had my house foreclosed upon, I have not moved in with my parents, and I have not been stranded with no insurance and crippling debt. I am not a billionaire, but I’m certainly a working-class musician.
So in that sense, the grand experiment I set out to explore 2 years ago by leaving my job at Temple is at least a temporary success. To the former coworker who emailed me the other day to ask if I wanted to apply for a job opening at Temple, no thanks, I’m doing fine.
- The balance between music as a business and as a passion is a constant challenge
I am just starting to come to terms with the fact that having a successful music business does not mean I am feeling creatively satisfied. I have to balance the massive amount of time that running a music business takes with my own downtime, as well as my time to create musically. I haven’t figured out how to do that yet, but I’ve been feeling the strain from it and scheming to make more of my music career about actually making music.
- Dealing with loss takes an indefinite amount of time.
A friend posted a great comment on a thread about the end of my relationship that I think sums things up nicely:
Apply ZERO timelines to your emotional and mental recovery. I could have never fathomed how long it would take me to recover from my failed marriage. I kept pushing myself to believe I was better and OK when I wasn’t yet, which further complicated things for me unnecessarily…
True words that I remember every day. Literally every day.
- When confronted with a new challenge, I can surprise myself.
Last June I got a call I’ve been waiting to get for a few years. The Asphalt Orchestra, a 12 piece chamber marching band out of Brooklyn, was looking for a sousaphonist to do a few touring shows with and my name had come up. I had wanted to play with them for a few years, ever since I saw their video of one of my favorite Zappa tunes, Zombie Woof.
I started practicing the music at the end of June for two performance dates in September. Since I was in Philadelphia and the rehearsal was in New York, there was only time for one at the beginning of September. Meanwhile, I was tasked with memorizing the tuba part for 19 challenging songs and learning the choreography by watching YouTube videos. I had never done anything like it, and I wasn’t sure I’d be able to meet the goal. But sure enough, by the end of August, it was almost complete, and our shows in Atlanta and Stillwater, Oklahoma went fantastically.
It’s really made me think about how I have the capability to push beyond my perceived limitations. If two months of concentrated practice can accomplish such a massive goal, what would happen if I applied the same dedication to my own projects?
- Some ladies really like Valentine’s Day.
Dating in 2015 has been an enlightening, exciting, and surreal experience. It seems like there are so many more striations of relationship type, commitment level, and lifestyle than when I last approached dating.
However, as much as things have changed, I got a bit of a shock on February 14th. Apparently Valentine’s Day means a lot to some of people. Lesson learned.
I’m dipping my toes into the kiddie pool of bringing writing back into my life. I have a separate writing project I’ve been working on, I’ve been learning more and more about teaching, and I have a guileless naivete about the personal relationships in my life. If that’s not a reason to keep this blog in your peripheral vision, I don’t know what to tell you. At least, nothing to tell you besides the fact that Buzzfeed can’t play the Pixies on the sousaphone and their Photoshopping is not nearly surreal enough. I think you know what the better choice is here.